Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Just take the fun out of it, OK...

Here in the South, the rivalry between Alabama and Auburn is huge. If you don't believe me, you should come visit Tuscaloosa on November 18, 2006. Actually, if you do, go ahead and book your hotel room now.

For most people here in the state, the rivalry is a fun thing. It's a "my team is better than your team" deal and it goes deeper than that. If you see a family that is split for AU and UA, you look at them funny and usually the question, "What were you thinking?" is thrown. The weekend of the game is normally a family gathering if not the busiest night of the year for the local bar.

Basically, you are a fan of Alabama or Auburn by birth and there is no turning back after you have declared your allegiance.

No matter how heated it gets here in the state of Alabama, I've never in my life seen it become a personal matter -- to this level. It did early Saturday morning with a stabbing in Auburn and we can all probably agree that alcohol was involved there. I found in my email this morning a message about a man who lowers the rivalry even more than that.

Let me say for Alabama fans and Auburn fans, he's the reason the other states say we are inbred! Here's what he said:

MEDITATION XXIV
ON Nov 17, 2005 - 12:31 PM by ChadGibbs
Chaste Chad’s Virtuous Meditations Chaste Chad kicks the stuffin

"Your enemies' shields are red; their uniforms are crimson" - Nahum 2:3

"Sixty minutes." - Patrick Fain Dye

Unless you have been living in a cave, high atop Sand Mountain, blindfolded with your fingers in your ears, you probably know that the Iron Bowl is this Saturday. If you have been living in a cave, FYI, we’re not mad at John Vaughn anymore.

Of all the Iron Bowls ever played, this Saturday’s promises to be o­ne of them. It also promises to be crawling with Alabama fans. If you combine the Tide’s o­n-field success this season, with the increasing number of ’81 Trans Ams for sale in AutoTrader, and the substantial influx of "Played for the Bear" sperm for sale o­n the black market, you can be sure Bama fans are doing all they can to purchase tickets to this year’s game.

For those of us who do not shop at the Dollar Tree, the Iron Bowl is the o­ne time a year we have contact with Alabama fans. Some of you avoid them to the point that you do not recognize them when you see o­ne. Fortunately for you, most will be wearing crimson t-shirts that say "Got Twelve?" I don't know what those shirts mean, but I’m pretty sure they are not talking about teeth.

Of course, not all of them can afford "fancy" t-shirts, but the o­ne thing that unites all Alabama fans, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, they did not attend the University of Alabama. In fact, the three most common types of Alabama fans are…

1. Those who did not attend the University of Alabama.

2. Those who did not attend the University of Alabama, and enjoy the intimacy of goats.

3. Rogue Boosters

However, some Alabama fans did attend the University of Alabama; these fans are employed as unbiased sports journalists in the Birmingham metro area.

The other thing all Alabama fans have in common is the Bear. They all, at o­ne time or another, played for the Bear, drank with the Bear, jumped rope with the Bear, or made sweet, sweet love to the Bear. They just can’t get enough of the Bear. To them he is the definition of class, although they wouldn’t dare let the drunk be a deacon in their church.

And when did their idea of class (pronounced: Klayse) become so skewed? I imagine if you were to open up an Alabama fans head – and I am not for o­ne moment suggesting that you should – you would find the gland they use to determine class has been replaced with a mini-bottle of Jack Daniels. So now, whenever they hear some inebriated man mumbling in a voice reminiscent of Dodge Charger, they think to themselves, "now that man has class."

Speaking of class, does the Alabama band still play Rammer Jammer, the classiest cheer of all time? I ask because the last three times I have seen the Tide in person, they did not get a chance to play it. They did however play their fight song, which to me sounds a lot like circus music. And I guarantee if you surveyed a hundred typical Alabama fans, you’d find that o­nly two of them could tell you the correct lyrics to "Yeah Alabama", but every last o­ne of them will have a watch or key-chain that plays the God-awful song.

But enough about the fans, what really matters is what happens o­n the field. And for the first time in recent memory, both Alabama and Auburn enter the Iron Bowl highly ranked. The Tigers have won 23 of 25, and have improved steadily throughout the season. The Tide comes to Jordan-Hare with a record of 9-1, a vast improvement over last season, when Alabama went 6-6, and o­nly claimed a share of the National Title.

A lot is riding o­n this game for Alabama coach Mike F. Shula. A win over Auburn would give the Tide coach his tenth of the season, proving o­nce and for all that any carbon based life-form can be named head coach of Alabama and win ten games. Unless of course that carbon based life-form partakes in "aggressive sex" with strippers.

I joke about Coach Shula, but the truth is, he reminds me a lot of myself… in the eighth grade. Thankfully for me, the novelty of saying the F-word has long since worn off, and I don’t even know what happened to my gold chain. But I’m glad to see Mike is still living the dream. Tight-roll those jeans for me coach.

Despite his jewelry and foul mouth, Coach Shula has done a remarkable job this season, even with the loss of key players due to injury. In the Florida game, junior receiver Tyrone Protho was lost for the season with a broken leg. Later in the year, Chris Farley impersonator J.B. Closner was also lost for the season with a leg injury.

Starting in Closner’s place has been Taylor Britt, o­ne of the infamous Cullman Britt Brothers, whose skeletal remains will o­ne day single-handedly keep creationism from being taught in our schools

But enough with the jokes, this Iron Bowl marks the last regular season game of Heisman Trophy winner, Brodie Croyle. Croyle, who’s name can be rearranged to spell Icy Beer Drool (as seen here), has had everything from Alabama losses to the state’s obesity ranking blamed o­n his injuries. But with a win o­n Saturday, Croyle’s injuries will be forgotten, and his name and mullet will be placed along side other Alabama greats, like Namath, Stabler, and Scissum.

So stay classy Tide fans, and click here if you and your goat need some mood music.

Let Chaste Chad know what you think, chastechad@yahoo.com

B.W.


Whether you're for AU or UA, you have to agree this is over the top. I'm not going to comment other than what I already did because it just irritates me.

If you haven't a clue about the SEC, I hope this enlightens you.

Not to make you worried...

A few years ago I got a terrible stomach virus. It's a bug that spreads like wildfire and before you have a chance to clean the bug off your clothes, you have it!

It's going around the schools at my daycare. Yesterday alone, Vestavia East had 150 students and 4 teachers out with what I can only find on the CDC as a norovirus or more specifically for children, a rotavirus. It affects thousands of children every year. So that mysterious ailment attacking students at your children's schools really is more common than you think.

It's a virus, so you can't take anything to get rid of it. However, you can protect yourself by washing your hands, staying away from the sick ones, changing clothes if someone gets sick on you (and yes this is going around with adults, too!), don't eat after people and stay away from any other close contact.

Why am I telling you about this right now? Because I was exposed to it yesterday by a child who threw up in his parent's car and the parent still took him to school where he threw up in the bathroom and he didn't tell anyone.

Thanks parent.

Bugs take over

I'm currently waiting for help with Google's new analytics deal. It's pretty good once you have it working correctly and the site is functioning but this is the second time I've come across was seems to be a bug in their system.

The first time, my log in name would only take me to my google homepage. This time I can't seem to add a new website because their analytics settings page doesn't have that function. Due to their "high demand" I won't know when that problem will be fixed either.

As for the reports, the information is pretty good. You can block your IP or certain websites from the reports for a better picture of who is actually visiting your site. The best thing I like, though, is the map. You can see how many hits around the globe you've had. It's like taking your own globe and putting thumb tacs on it for every place you've gotten a real letter!

Need your prayers

A few months ago, before Trey and I moved, I began working part-time at a daycare. A few weeks ago, I found out that one of our kids has a brain tumor, it was operabled and doctors removed the tumor and began treatment on James. He is 5-years-old and is doing well from what I understand.
During this same period of time, I'm talking about the same day, another little boy in Alabama found out that he also had a brain tumor, however, JJ's was inoperable. Doctor's began treatment on him and he has responded wonderfully! I wanted to share his website with you because this story is truly evidence of God's work.